I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
