bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
