No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
