She's JV to your varsity
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
