lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize