he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
