You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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