I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
