Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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