I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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