Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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