she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
