woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
