New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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