Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
