If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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