Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
