my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
