STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
