She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
