Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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