Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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