hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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