I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
