I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
