WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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