You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
