HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
