based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
