i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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