tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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