2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
