please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
