i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
