Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
