Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
