All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
