just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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