who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
