wrigley field is MILF paradise
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
