guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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