It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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