1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
