the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
