when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
