so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
