he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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