epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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