i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
