Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
