She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
