I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize