we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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