a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
