hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
