It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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