I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize