I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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