I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
