I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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