At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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