In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
