Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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