Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
