I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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