What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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