Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
