He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the raccoons are back...
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