There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize