he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
