Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize