Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
