just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
