I wish I could teleport
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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