She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
