Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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