i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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