bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
