Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
