I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize