white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
