Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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