I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
