Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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