So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
