my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
