My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
