8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
