I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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