I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
