I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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