He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
