my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize