I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
