i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
