I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
