This girl is more easily done than said...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
