He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
