I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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