Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
