if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was confusing and full of hummus
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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