We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
