just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
