You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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